Self-Care Doesn't Have to Be Glamorous...and it doesn't have to cost a thing!
A realistic and accessible approach to showing up for yourself every day.
Self-care doesn’t have to be glamorous. The way it is portrayed on social media makes it seem like caring for yourself requires dropping half your savings on a week away in Fiji, a $200 skincare routine, or a perfectly curated morning ritual that starts at 5am. And if you can’t do that? Well, maybe you just don’t care enough about yourself.
That is not only unrealistic for the vast majority of people - it is also just not true.
The glamorized version of self-care sets an impossible standard that leaves most people feeling like they are already failing before they even begin. Ironically, the pressure to achieve that unrealistic standard of self-care can be harmful in itself.
So, What Does Self-Care Actually Look Like?
True self-care doesn’t have to be expensive, fancy, or even special. True self-care lives in the quiet, unglamorous, day-to-day actions we take to support a healthier life - one that actually meets our needs.
Self-care is getting to bed when you said you would. It is cancelling plans without over-explaining. It is choosing a meal that nourishes your body, even when the easier option is tempting. It is asking for help when you need it, and admitting that you can’t do it all on your own.
None of those things are aesthetically pleasing. You won’t see them on TikTok or Instagram. But they are the building blocks of a life that actually feels sustainable.
Self-care doesn’t need to be glamorous to be effective. It just needs to be something that genuinely meets your needs - whatever that looks like for you, in your life, right now.
Three Action Steps You Can Try This Week
If you’re not sure where to start, here are three simple, accessible ways to strengthen your self-care practice this week (no trip to Fiji required).
1. Schedule one hour for something you enjoy.
Hobbies have a way of slowly finding their way to the backburner when life gets busy. We tell ourselves we’ll get back to them when things slow down, when we finally have that free weekend…and then we never do. This week, block off at least one hour and dedicate it to something you enjoy purely for the sake of enjoying it. Not for productivity. Just because it feels good and brings you joy.
Ideally we would all make more time for hobbies. But if those activities have been absent from your life lately, dedicating one hour out of your week to bringing it back is a meaningful place to start. You are learning to rebuild the habit of prioritizing yourself.
2. Practice saying “no.”
Whether it is an extra responsibility at work, a social commitment you weren’t looking forward to, or a favor that would stretch you too thin, this week, practice holding your boundaries. Say no to at least one thing that does not fill your cup.
There is one more step to this: you do not have to explain yourself. “No” is a complete sentence. You are allowed to decline without a detailed justification, without apologizing, and without feeling guilty about it. You know what you need. You know what you have capacity for. Trust yourself.
That urge to over-explain is often a socially conditioned way of seeking permission to have our own needs. So, just a quick reminder: You don’t need anyone’s permission to take care of yourself!
3. Check in with your basic needs.
In therapy, there is a skill called PLEASE — and it is one of my favorites to teach because it is simple, practical, and genuinely effective. It stands for: Physical health, Leisure (a personal addition I’ve found useful in my clinical practice), Eat, Avoid mood-altering substances and take medications as prescribed, Sleep, and Exercise.
Think of these categories as a daily check-in with yourself. Have you addressed any physical ailments that have been bothering you? Did you eat today (and I mean, actually eat, not just survive on caffeine) and drink enough water? Did you take your medication? How did you sleep last night? Did you move your body (you don’t have to go to the gym everyday, but it is important to move your body consistently throughout the day - don’t just sit in one spot, get up and move!)?
When even one of these needs goes unmet, it can leave us more vulnerable to big emotions, lower frustration tolerance, and make it harder to manage the typical stressors we navigate each day. We often push through those difficulties (sometimes blaming ourselves for being weak or sensitive, or feeling at a loss for why we are struggling so much) when really, our body’s basic needs have not been met.
Our basic needs must be met before we can expect ourselves to manage anything else. So, be sure to check in with yourself every day.
The Bottom Line
Self-care is not a luxury. It is not a reward you earn after you’ve checked everything off your list. It is the consistent, necessary, and sometimes boring work of showing up for yourself in the small moments, on the normal days, in ways other people might not even notice.
You don’t have to do it perfectly.
You just have to be consistent in prioritizing yourself.
About The Author
Amanda Marshall, Ph.D., NCSP
Dr. Marshall is a licensed psychologist and certified school psychologist, and the founder of Inspire Psychology, a private psychology practice serving adolescents, adults, and families across New Jersey, New York, and PSYPACT participating jurisdictions. She specializes in neurodivergent experiences, executive functioning, learning differences, anxiety, depression, OCD, and life transitions. Her approach is grounded in acceptance — helping people understand their own minds with curiosity rather than judgment. If something here resonated, you can learn more or schedule a free 15-minute consultation at inspirepsycnj.com
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