Three Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Psychologist

For the clinicians, the students, and the ones still figuring it out

When you are in grad school, there is a lot of excitement about what your career is going to look like. The excitement of helping people. Being their support. Their safe space. But something nobody fully prepares you for, is what it actually feels like to do this work day in and day out. Grad school gives you therapy and supervision and clinical hours. All the while, you have a team of professors and peers and supervisors to support you. The reality of the field isn’t quite the same once you exit that bubble. And it is important to recognize that you are signing up for some seriously emotional work.

So here are three things I wish someone had told me earlier.

You Are Going to Really Care

And I mean really care. You will care about your clients. Everything from their progress, their setbacks, their lives and day to day experiences. And honestly, that care is what makes you good at your job. If you didn’t care, you probably wouldn’t dedicate your life to a helping profession. 

BUT, here’s the thing, knowing that you will care so much, it is really important that you learn to be intentional about learning how to separate yourself from your work.

We say this all the time about many fields. But in mental health, it can be particularly challenging. You learn the intimate details about your clients' lives. You will think, without even meaning to, about the anniversary of their loved one’s passing because they mentioned it in session and you saw the date on the calendar. You will think about that vacation they are on when you notice their usual appointment spot is open that week. And you’ll hope they are getting the much needed reprieve after the tough work week they described during the last session. You will worry. You will care. You will be a human. 

And that can be exhausting. 

You need to learn how to be off the clock. And that being off the clock, putting those things aside doesn’t take away from your empathy. It provides reprieve so you can return to the work healthy, healed, and ready to carry the weight of whatever comes in through the door that day.

Creating that separation is honestly a lot harder than it sounds. When you care, the way a therapist genuinely cares about their clients, the work follows you home. Whether you want it to or not. Learning to create boundaries between your clinical self and your personal self is not an explicit course during grad school (although they will emphasize it repeatedly!). It is something you figure out…usually after realizing you have been carrying the weight of something your client shared in session throughout your entire weekend.

The ability to separate your work life from your personal life is a skill worth developing early.

Not Everyone Is Ready to Change

I’m not going to lie to you, this one took me a while to accept. When you choose a helping profession, it is usually because you actually want to help! So, sitting across from someone who just isn’t ready, someone who says they want change but then struggles to recognize their patterns or habits contributing to the maintenance of their situation… that can be hard. 

As therapists, we hold a mirror up to the client to help them reflect. Some are ready to look into that mirror and accept and acknowledge their part so they can take actionable steps to make a difference in their life. Others, avert their eyes. 

Not because they are bad clients. Not because you are a bad therapist. 

Because not everyone is ready to take that step.

And that is OK!

We can’t force someone to change. We can’t force anyone to be READY to change. 

Here's the controversial statement (the one that sounds rough on the outside but as you grow in your clinical experience you learn what it truly means): We cannot work harder than our client.

Therapists are not here to drag you along to a certain destination. We are guides along the journey. But YOU determine the destination. 

We can stay present. Hold space. Trust that being there with that client in that moment (no matter which part of their journey they are in) is valuable within itself. Because we don't get to choose what they do next or where they should go. 

Meeting clients where they are, rather than where we wish they were, is one of the most important things we can practice. And ultimately that patience has a way of paying off.

I have had clients return after years away from therapy ready to do the work and comfortable enough to get started because I provided a safe space for them to explore their experiences before they were ready without judgment. 

There is truly nothing like the feeling of being part of someone’s journey to success and healing after seeing years of it play out. I am so grateful to be in those moments with my clients.

Emotional and Mental Labor are REAL

Emotional and mental labor are real. We sit with pain that is not our own. We hold space for difficult stories, moments, emotions. We stay present with our clients as they navigate complex dynamics session after session. And that work takes something from you. It is worth it. Everyday I am so grateful for the privilege to be part of my client’s lives. But it does take something. It takes energy. Emotional energy. And that must be replenished.

People in mental health talk about self-care a lot (hey, I am one of those people!). But self-care is not just some buzzword getting thrown around. For those of us in helping professions, it is a professional responsibility. 

The clinicians who last. The ones who continue to show up fully for their clients over time. Who bring their best selves to session and create healing spaces. Those are the ones who take their own wellbeing seriously. 

In this field, self-care is not a luxury. It is what makes your professional life sustainable.

About The Author

Amanda Marshall, Ph.D., NCSP

Dr. Marshall is a licensed psychologist and certified school psychologist, and the founder of Inspire Psychology, a private psychology practice serving adolescents, adults, and families across New Jersey, New York, and PSYPACT participating jurisdictions. She specializes in neurodivergent experiences, executive functioning, learning differences, anxiety, depression, OCD, and life transitions. Her approach is grounded in acceptance — helping people understand their own minds with curiosity rather than judgment. If something here resonated, you can learn more or schedule a free 15-minute consultation at inspirepsycnj.com

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